Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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