I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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