chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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