I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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