My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
