blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
