I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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