So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
