Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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