maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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