I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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