i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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