She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
