I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
