i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
