I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
