I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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