My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
