She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
