I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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