i always forget guys have bellybuttons
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
