he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
