I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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