im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
