WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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