to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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