You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
