bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
