does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
