I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
