Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
