he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
