remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
