I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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