You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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