Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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