things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
