In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize