Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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