dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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