Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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