Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
