girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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