i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
