Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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