So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
