A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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