I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
