so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
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Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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