My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
