K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
