So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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