i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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