BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
