i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
