Someone shit on the floor
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
