Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
