i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
