in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize