I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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