I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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