I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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