Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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