Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize