I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
