do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
