I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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