Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
