he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All I want is dick and wine.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
