I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
