there was a trapeze. enough said
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
