So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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