We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
