Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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