You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Come share oat with me in your robe
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
