i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
