Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
