she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
