"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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